“It’s true that children watch everything you do, so your actions are far more potent teachers than your words.”

-Scott Haltzman, MD, The Secrets of Happy Families

“Nina, give that back to me, RIGHT NOW!” orders my son in a commanding voice that seems frighteningly beyond his three years. Yikes… that sounds less than gracious, I think, as I tell him to ask his one-year-old sister more nicely.  My next thought is, “Wow, those words and intonation sound familiar.  Truly, too familiar…

Oops.

I’m a fairly new mom to two small children, who amaze me in so many ways each and every day.  My son, Jarratt, is quickly earning the nickname “Jarratt Parrot.”  Smart, observant, and a walking, talking sponge like most kids his age, he is becoming a mirror for me and my husband.  Sometimes, I don’t exactly love what I see…

So, there it is…the realization that to be a better mom, I need to be a better me.  My children are learning much more from what I do than what I say (rendering the saying “Do as I say, not as I do” somewhat laughable). If I want my children to considerately say “please” and “thank you” to each other, then I need to treat them and my husband with the same level of respect and politeness.  In fact, I need to be authentic in all aspects of my parenting and consistently model the lessons I want our children to learn.

I’ve decided to give this some serious thought now, before they’re older and I find myself trying to fix less-than-desirable learned behaviors.  To remind myself of this new me, I’m making a list.  This is what I have thus far…

• Don’t yell, and speak politely at all times. It’s not like I go around yelling at everyone, but you know how families can be. At least, my family…
• Don’t cry over spilled milk. Of course, three-year-olds do this anyway, but he doesn’t need me to model it for him.
• Stand up straight. Dad, I hope you can see me from heaven, since you tried for so many years to get me to stand more erectly. It never really took then, but now, do I really want my daughter to slouch?
• Introduce myself to new people. I’ve always been on the shy side, but since Jarratt was born, I have new motivation to get out there and build our community around us, while showing my children how easy it can be to make friends.
• Exercise. I LOVE practicing yoga, but, sadly, it’s easy to let days and weeks go by without unrolling my mat. I’m a mother, after all! I’m busy with a zillion other things. Then again, with our couch-potato, video-obsessed, overweight culture, what’s more important as a mom than to model healthy behavior??

Of course, I’m doing SOME things right.  It’s important to give myself credit. (I wouldn’t want my kids to learn to beat up on themselves.) I’m neat and clean.  I eat healthful foods, though I won’t mention how much.  I’m respectful to others and a good friend to many. I recycle.  I watch very little TV and I read to my kids every day.  You don’t need me to go on and on here, but you see that it’s not all bad.

The point is that I’m sure we all have our self-improvement lists and they will all differ, but parenthood does seem like the perfect time to strive to get a few things together.

No one’s perfect of course, but if a little parrot in your home makes you cringe with a bit of shame on occasion, it may be time for some new lines.