Recently, while cleaning someone else’s bathroom floor, I thought to myself, ”My mother would have had a fit.” Although the middle of the floor had been kept clean, the sides, corners, and behind the door hadn’t been cleaned in years. I was taken back to my teens, with my mother telling me how important it was to clean thoroughly, and me arguing back, ”Who cares; no one ever sees it anyway?” She was teaching me the right way to clean, and as a teen, I was arguing for the easy way. Now, years later, I was witnessing what happens when you don’t know how to clean properly. Not only had I never thanked my mother for teaching me this valuable skill, I had argued with her about it.

My mother passed away before I owned a house, was married, or had children. While she was alive, I was in frequent touch and told her how much I loved her, but while cleaning this bathroom floor, I realized she gave me so many gifts I had never really thought about — gifts I use or benefit from to this day. So, I would like to take this opportunity to thank my mother for all the gifts I didn’t know were gifts:

• Teaching us that a clean house is important, but family time was more important.

• Showing us that people were more important than things. No matter what broke, spilled or went wrong, you always asked ”Are you ok?” before you asked about the things.

• Having us work beside you until we could do the job right by ourselves.

• Making us clean the kitchen and stay there until everyone was finished. At the time, I thought you were just trying to make sure the whole job was done and no one said, ”That’s not my job.” Now I realize you were also creating bonds between us siblings.

• Making us go to our siblings’ activities. This increased our circle of support and helped keep us out of trouble.

• Teaching us to be polite to older or lonely people — sometimes that is the only chance they get to communicate all day.

• Being there to listen when we needed someone to listen (I doubt anyone realizes what a gift this is until their mother is gone), and listening to us with your full attention — not only to us but to our friends as well.

• Believing in me. To this day, I think of you when I am having challenges.

• Teaching me how to iron, stand up straight, and swim.

• Enjoying my company and biting your tongue when I came up with my grand philosophical ideas.

• Letting me learn and accepting that Chemistry was as hard for me as Spanish was for you.

• Showing me that even after failures or problems, we can pick ourselves up and go on with life.

As we approach this Mother’s Day, I hope we can all take the time to think about the intangibles gifts from our mothers and the other important women in our lives.

Chinaberry offers items to support families in raising their children with love, honesty and joy to be reverent, loving caretakers of each other and the earth.

Last week, my husband and I were clearing out Ben’s room to get ready to put in a new floor. Out came clothes, toys, games, furniture, and lots of other stuff. This all got piled into our room, and we wondered how in the world all this stuff ever fit into his room in the first place! The old, icky carpet and pad came out practically in a jiffy, really, compared to how long it took to take everything else out!

One of the things we dragged out while muttering under our breath was a black chest that had been in Ben’s room for ages without being opened. The reason we hadn’t opened it for so long was because of the pretty intricate Lego creations sitting on top of it. Once we carefully moved these, we were ready to open it.

And voila, inside were many of the stuffed animals from years past! Coco, Freddy, Bubbles, loads of Beanie Babies, as well as many more friends I did not recognize. The ones I did remember were faithful companions, loved for ages, squeezed at night, cuddled whenever necessary,  and who even accompanied us on our travels.

This picture, from about 5 years ago, shows two of these faithful companions on a trip back East. The black Lab in Daniel’s arms is a smaller replica of our own black Lab. The stuffed version was chosen not long after we adopted Buca, and now resides safely in Daniel’s room. Ben’s koala friend was made at one of those build-your-own-stuffed-animal parties and became his dear friend for quite a while. Although it’s hard to tell, this marsupial companion is dressed in a soccer outfit that coincides with the beginning of Ben’s fervent interest in the sport, bringing back those memories and making finding it all the more special.

While my memory-loving heart melted at seeing these stuffed animals, the more practical side of me was so glad to have photographic proof of how near and dear these companions were to my sons, especially since my guys are  growing up too quickly, in my mind anyway, and toward things other than stuffed animals. And although these stuffed animals made the cut of what to return to the less cluttered room, who knows where they will be in a few years?

If you can think of it, next time your little one clutches a faithful companion to his or her heart, grab your camera and record this moment of sweetness for posterity. While the stuffed animals may not be found in a big cleaning years later, the photo can last much longer.

Frankly, I’m not big on a lot of the pomp that often surrounds birthdays. I like to keep our celebrations intimate and un-hyped. But Elizabeth’s thirteenth is coming up and this passage is one I want to acknowledge with a true ritual — one that helps her with a new self-identity in the adult world. And I want to do this with a sense of the sacred and an element of the mysterious. So I’ve written to the women she respects and loves the most (they’re scattered all over the country) to ask them to send her some piece of advice that they wish THEY would have gotten from an older woman friend when THEY were thirteen. I also asked them to send something small and special — a beautiful rock?, a poem?, an extraordinary bookmark? — something that she can tuck away and pull out when the going gets rough to remind her of the women who have weathered their lives’ storms and hopefully give her a boost of support to see her through her own life’s challenges. Finally, I asked all of them to tell Elizabeth what she means to them — her essence, I guess. As their gifts arrive, I will collect them into a handmade basket or wooden box and give them to her at a special moment when she and I are together.

For other ideas about coming-of-age and rites of passage, consider purchasing the Chinaberry book, The Joy of Family Traditions by Jennifer Trainer Thompson

When it is time for gift-giving on any occasion, consider making and giving coupons to your children. The sky is the limit. “This coupon good for one breakfast out with Dad.” “This coupon good for staying up late on one weekend night.” “This coupon good for one bike-riding afternoon with Mom.” What is so wonderful about coupons is that they can so easily translate into time spent together with loved ones, rather than just another thing to accumulate. We started this tradition early in our family and it wasn’t too long before we parents started getting lovingly scrawled coupons from the children. It is a sweet way to teach that gifts of self are often so much more meaningful and fun than gifts that originate in the wallet.